Ever had one of those days where everything went great, but at the end of it you still felt like crap?
I went to a Halloween party tonight, and it was awesome. I got to hang out with some friends, wore a cool costume, and play some neat games. It was a fantastic party. So why am I so depressed now?
I dunno. I think watching all the people there having fun and hanging out, and especially watching the five or so happy couples, just really made me think about how alone I am, and how alone I've been for... well, for ever. I've never been not alone, and that just really hit me tonight.
By the end of the night I really didn't want to go home. I wanted someone to talk to, but the friend I asked to hang out decided to go home and sleep. She probably would have stayed up a while if I'd told her what was going on, but when I'm down I'm not very assertive so... yeah. Now I'm just sitting in my room writing a blog. I took a walk around campus, but that didn't really make me feel any better. It just made me feel more alone.
I don't know... I'm just tired of being alone. And I'm tired of having no one to talk to. I've got three friends I trust enough to talk to. One of them just doesn't care. One of them keeps telling me to get a therapist. And one of them just... she doesn't seem to notice when I'm trying to open up to her.
I don't know... I'm finished with this blog, I guess.
I'm sorry you feel that way Neil, being alone is hard, and it always rough seeing everyone else happily in relationships when you don't have someone of your own. Try not to get so down about it though, being in a relationship just isn't in the cards for you at the moment, enjoy the life that you do have, and hope for more someday. 'good things come to those who wait' and you are a very special person and deserve many good things! Hugs and <3's
ReplyDeleteWTF! I totally commented on this last night! Sigh. Let's try this again. Neil, first off am I one of the three friends and if so am I the one that doesn't care? Also, the friend that said you need therapy isn't very friendly... But if I am the friend that you think doesn't care, you're wrong. I'm here anytime you need to talk. Seriously... anytime.
ReplyDeleteJohn Louis: you are not one of the three friends. You used to be one of my most trusted friends, but we've grown distant. Get your butt back into college next semester!
ReplyDeleteThe friend that thinks I need therapy is Mr. T, a mutual friend of ours whose name you can sure infer from his first initial.
The friend who doesn't seem to care is an entirely different friend that you and Mr. T have not met, although A) she probably does care, I just don't tell her about a lot of stuff, and B) Mr. T does know who she is.